Hit by the hurricanes of Life

It has been a long time since I have written anything on my blog, it has been a very difficult time in my life. For the new people to my new blog I will share a bit of my past 3 1/2 years ago of my life. That is when my marriage ended and I was up a creek as they say without a paddle. Lol.  Anyway as I had been on disability for awhile due to Fribromyalsia, degeneration in by back, osteoarthritis, and hip damage, I was not getting enough money to live on. So my precious son offered to let me live with them and I in return cleaned their home, did the laundry, and kept my grandchildren when needed. With my disabilities it was very difficult but I wanted to help as I appreciated so much their lifeline they extended to to me. The problem was my daughter-in-law had never really liked me. I tried so hard to change that, but when she quit her job in June in my life became intolerable. But the good news is that my older son moved in August and had enough of room for me to move in with his family. But before I could move in the hurricane hit Texas. I was at my older son’s however when Harvey hit and his home and all of us  were blessed to be safe. When the flooding finally went down I finally could go back to my other son to move my personal things before movers could move my bedroom suite. When I got back I was met by a hostile  D-I-L who took my younger two grandkids into her room and shut the door, not letting me speak to them or her. She had my 17 year old grandson sit on the couch to watch everything I was doing as if I would steal from them. I had a small loft upstairs for a room and I had a hundred trips up and down the stairs over a five hour period. I had 14 picture albums and many framed pictures besides all my clothes and things. I have lost a lot of strength as I am 66 and it was so difficult carrying  things down and struggling with the door each time.  My grandson never once got up to open the door for me. My heart was breaking as I got the message they were furious I was moving out, I don’t understand why though! I had to lock and unlock my car each trip as their were people driving around looking for stuff people had discarded on the curbs that got damaged in the flood. Two men kept watching me load my car as they kept driving by. I have a problem with my body overheating and my face was a bright red as I kept working to be out of the way. As I was just finished my son got home from work and I went to hug him and tell him how much I appreciated everything they had done for me. I also said I would still love to help them with coming and keeping the grandkids  or whatever the needed me for. I told him I would miss them and I hoped they would call me to come visit. He said nope I won’t be calling you ever again and that that was it, that was all he would say. He said he would take my bedroom suite down to the garage for the movers, he didn’t want me or movers in his house. I have been heart broken since I don’t understand why he is this way with his family. He had already cut off his brother 5 years ago  and not spoken to him and now I will be living with his “brother”. He has been cold to all of his family since he married 20 years ago, we were always so close before. His wife has always wanted to be around her family only so I guess now she doesn’t have to share him with us. Anyway I go tomorrow to meet movers to get my bedroom suite and am so apprehensive about the meeting with my D-I-L and am hoping it goes okay.

I am so sorry this is so long I just needed to unburden my heart a little bit.

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Happy Father’s Day

I hope each Dad out there is having a really nice day with your family! No lawns to mow or honey do list today. I wish for you all to kick back and relax watching sports or a great bar-b-que with friends.

This year I am thinking of my Dad who has been gone for 19 years and about the hard life he had. He was raised, one of eight kids and six of them were boys. They​ worked from the time they could caddy at the golf course to help make ends meet. You see their dad was an alcoholic and never amounted to much and certainly never earned a living. So their Mom sewed clothes until she went blind and the kids grew up fast to support the younger kids. But my Dad never complained a day in his life, even when he worked in the Sinclair refinery with the flu. Above all else he was the most honest, responsible, and loving man in the world.  And when he was living with me and had Alzheimer’s he would try his best to get out my locked doors to go work at the golf course. In his mind he still needed to go work and take care of his family. I love you Dad and miss you! ❤

Fallen Angel

To our beloved Johnna!❤❤❤❤❤

nombredelapluma

When words fail us, our tears fall like rain.
Should we feel anger mingled with our pain?
When there are no answers, and right feels wrong,
The tears are the silenced words to our love song
When I remember, they play all over again.
My fallen angel!

I’m not alone hearing a love song play
With no music and no words left to say
What we have left are wishes that won’t come true
And our grief, deeper than any shade of blue
And words we wished we could have said…
My fallen angel!

No one can answer the questions we ask
But guilt never resolved chords dissonance
What’s left when there are no more words?
And she’s not here if they could be heard?
I don’t know anything left to tell
My fallen angel.

What can I say that wasn’t said before?
When I said “I love you,” I…

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Quick Mental Health Awareness Q&A

This is for all of us who suffer in silence with their Mental Health!❤

Mindful Survivor

Why is it important to raise awareness?

People with mental illness not only have to suffer the debilitating effects of the illness but also have to suffer stigma, discrimination and a whole host of effects caused by misunderstanding and ignorance. Raising awareness of what mental health will go part way to breaking this down.

The more society understands about mental illness, the more we talk about it, the more normal it will be for people to get the help they need, earlier, and therefore a meaningful recovery is more likely.

People with mental health problems can work provided they can get the right support. At the moment, this support is not available. Raising awareness will ensure moving from benefits into work can be an easier transition and reasonable adjustments within the workplace will ensure staying in work is possible. It’s not rocket science.

So, basically, what is mental illness?

In…

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Happy Mother’s Day Ladies ❤

I am wishing you all a wonderful day to do exactly what you want to do! I have found amazing women who blog, that I now call friend. Someone always seems to be around when we need them whether it’s being down, overjoyed, troubled, mad, hurting and so much more that we can share our load with our Friends. I am thankful for each and every one of you (the men included) who have helped me these last three years! God Bless You!❤❤❤

the moms i never had

I had to share this awesome blogger and son!

facing off with the big d

i write this with a tear in my eye, a tear of happiness, mind you. my happiness is for the two moms currently in my life, moms that i never had.

i have to back up and give you some background on my biomom. she wanted us kids to learn on our own. that was even obvious at the ripe old age of four. i had just gone through a traumatic event with my sister (click here for the…rest of the story). we where told to stop crying.

it may blow your mind, but i can only remember one meaningful conversation with the woman. we were sitting around the table the week i graduated from college. we were talking about something that i struggled with in high school. i asked her why she didn’t say anything. she replied, “i wanted you to learn on your own.

learning to live…

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Standing 

The courageous face of this young man fighting ME disease is and inspiration to us all. Hoping and praying for you sweetheart!

Jamison Writes

Today, May 12th, is International M.E. Awareness day. There’s nothing I can say about this horrible disease that I haven’t said already on this blog. But I can share another part of my journey and battle with the disease with you.

It’s bewildering to think I used to get up every day and lift hundreds of pounds, thousands if you count the cumulative amount of weight I lifted each workout.

Every morning I ate some weird hippie cereal, drank some weird hippie drink, then got on my not-so-hippie bike and rode to the gym. There, if it was leg day, I would do some foam rolling, dynamic stretching, and then get to lifting. Deadlifts were my favorite exercise, probably because it was the exercise of which I could lift the most weight. My max was 425 pounds more than twice my body weight at the time.

It was thrilling to…

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Manic Fribro

It is really good when I have a manic episode! I am happy and more outgoing! I suddenly want to go out and have fun. I have gone out to eat with family in Galveston, celebrated my granddaughters 18th birthday at the Hard Rock Cafe and am attending a family reunion this weekend. So great times huh! Except if you have fribromyalsia. This is way more than I usually can do and by night time I am in severe pain. With the great times always come the exhaustion and pain, I have learned to have that stuff upper lip and keep on going. I am hoping I don’t hit the low point of depression after this high. I still have a powderpuff game to attend and my granddaughters graduation this month. But for now I don’t mind the pain (well a little), but I love feeling more alive with mania. I am hyper and can’t sit still for long, pain or not. HyperFribro is a difficult combination.😀

And how are you all doing???💜

 

My karma, Laurel

Laurel and I were discussing karma and jokingly saying how it seemed to hit us square between the eyes. Well some of you know the story about my ex at 62 doing a reverse mortgage on Our home. In fact I had sold my home which was paid for in order to build his dream home. We bought 5 acres with huge oak trees and a beautiful pond. That would have been fine except he built big buildings and convinced me he could build us a huge home for next to nothing. It ended up being more cost to live there than I ever dreamed. Our taxes on it alone were very high. So he takes early retirement at 62, and decides we can live off the reverse mortgage money until the housing market improved and we would sell it. The problem was I was not 62 so on the day we were to sign the papers I had to sell him the house for $10 in order to do this, I got that sick feeling in my stomach but ended up signing my rights away. Well that was the beginning of the end for us and he and his 40 year old son who lived with us treated me horrible. They were both emotionally abusive and his son was physically abusive to me. After 5 years I left the house to them and divorced him. He ended up staying there until he lost it from not being able to pay taxes or insurance on it. I had learned to accept my stupidity for what I had allowed to happen to me. But where the karma comes in is, now they are suing me for the house as I am a lien holder for the amount they gave him. I was like What!!!! After being told I didn’t own the house by everyone I am now responsible for the debt? Oh and get this  on it  they say he is deceased which he does have cancer but is not dead. But here I am living on $854 a month, with my son and his family cleaning, washing and keeping my grandkids whenever needed. Which I love them and do not mind but being disabled is very hard on me.  But now I have to pay for a lawyer to to represent me in this, just like I have had to do with all my credit cards he ran up saying when we sell the house I will pay them off. Yep karma has hit me over and over as I keep being sued repeatedly. And the worst of it is the shame I feel for not being able to pay my debt, I had worked my whole life hard to always  pay my way, had great credit. I hope this makes sense as I think faster than I should and don’t make sense most of the time.

Happy Good Friday

Good Friday is special to me and I hope it is to all of you. Jesus knew the plan of salvation for all of the believers meant suffering, pain and death for him. He knew we were all sinners and he hung on the Cross to pay for our sins and be forgiven if only we would believe in Him. If we choose to claim Him as our savior we will have everlasting life. That is why it is called Good Friday because Jesus loved us so much he gave his life so we might have live forevermore.  I hope you enjoy your day tomorrow but I also hope you think of why it is a special day.